Sam Woodfin's Micro

Shitty Doggerel

My dog is sweet and handsome.
You'd love to pet his head!
But if you let him sleep with you, he'll poop upon your bed!

My dog is smart and witty.
He'll make you think so, too.
But if you let him get too close, I'm sure he'll poop on you!

My dog is quite the character!
One of a kind, for sure!
Despite poopy proclivities, his heart is big and pure!

So pet my dog and play with him!
His love, I guarantee!
And when the poop's been cleaned away, he'll thank you with some pee!

Tonight as I Was Perched on the Commode - A Halloween Poem (AND a True Story!)

(Written mostly in the shower, right after it happened. I only took a small liberty or two with the truth, and maybe one giant liberty with the English language. People from my neck o' the woods may "get" that particular liberty better than some o' y'all.)

Tonight as I Was Perched on the Commode

Tonight as I was perched on the commode,
So safe within the walls of my abode,
My brain alight
This quiet night
The stress of this long day had been repoed

Then something caught the corner of my eye
A shadow's glance, but too real to deny
I looked again
My thoughts caved in
So this is how the spider caught the fly!

A feather's touch dragged down across my arm
"Just sit right still; I will do you no harm!"
Not just stark fear!
Stark naked, here!
This is not how I planned to buy the farm!

One girlish scream and I was on my feet
A foolish move I don't care to repeat
A fear so ripe,
Forgot to wipe
The spider ran behind the toilet seat!

And in this tale, a lesson to be learned:
Don't leave your privy bridges to be burned
Check for pests wee
Before you pee,
And save your underwear from being rurned!